I haven’t written for a while because life got in the way, but yesterday something happened which made me think.
It is often hard working creatively. It can feel almost like running through life with your legs tied together. The constant desire to learn and improve can sometimes flip upside down and manifest as a deep sense of inadequacy; the feeling that whatever you do is never enough. The excitement of discovery and creative exploration gets lost in a stagnating perfectionism. You want to be successful too much to allow yourself to begin.
This is a problem I have been trying to understand for some time. In a sense, the time spent analysing these thoughts is unnecessary. Ultimately, it would be enough to be aware of them and acknowledge their complete lack of significance before getting on with the work at hand. However, my analytical brain struggles fiercely against this impending redundancy.
Creative work never arrives, it simply stops in the place we choose to leave it. Skills are never mastered; there is always more to learn. Rather than see this as daunting, it could be exciting; liberating. If there is never any chance of reaching perfection, where’s the hurry in trying?
The last words in what was to be the final blog post of Ozge, a friend and yoga teacher of mine, were, “And who knows what is next?”
Oz died last night.
Since then I have been reminded of some truths.
Truth no.1: Never, ever let anyone make you feel insignificant.
That’s what perfectionism is: Fear of insignificance.
Truth no.2: Every contribution is important. Each of us is validated every day through the connections, energy and love we share with others. We can never know what we give to those around us any more than we can easily understand what they give to us.
Today I spent an hour or so in the yoga studio with a number of Oz’s friends, students and colleagues. Oz’s energy was palpable. Her spirit remained through the energy and love she had shared with each of us.
Something else she gave me today: I find my definition of success rather altered.
“And who knows what is next?”
It doesn’t matter what is next. What matters is who you are now.
Therein lies the potential for perfection.
